Lately I just don't know what to expect

Ever since Spring Break, it has seemed that E has made so much progress with his behaviors/meltdowns at school and at home. He had less problems. He wasn't getting upset as often or as easily over things that wouldn't bother you or I. He was handling change well, and at least at home seemed to be talking more and communicating more. There was just this difference. Last week at school he had a couple small incidences where he threw his recorder across the room in music because he couldn't get the song right. This week has been very rough for him. At school, E has had lots of trouble sitting still, focusing, doing his work, and has been having outbursts a lot. They are doing their standardized tests this week, which he does on the computer in the resource room and last time, did very well with it. This time he is in the resource room one-on-one with the RR teacher because the outbursts were distracting the other kids that were in there with him. He's always complaining he's hungry (after a good breakfast, two snacks and a good lunch!) and so he's distracted by that.

At home though, he's been great. Monday was a decent enough day, no real outbursts, E did his homework, ate dinner, went to bed no problem. Yesterday, the eye contact, OH the eye contact! It was amazing. No prompting at all, he would look at me as soon as I started talking or when he wanted to say something. And when it came time to do his homework, he finished quickly and without prompting, put it in his folder and put his book, folder and assignment book in his backpack! That seriously NEVER happens! I was thrilled. Dinner was good, but he couldn't fall asleep, so we cuddled until he did.

Today, E seemed okay. We got up and moving early, I even had time to cook eggs and toast! (Usually it's oatmeal or cereal.) He showered, dressed, ate, and brushed his teeth no problem, but when it came time to put his lunch and snacks in his bag he was distracted and took 10 minutes to do it. We talked in the car and had a good conversation about trees and the Earth, God, our gifts. It was a great conversation actually. But almost as soon as we turned on the road his school is on, it was as if a flip switched and the attitude came out! No big deal, just the tone of voice when I said "hey, you're gonna try to have a good day today right, buddy?" "Okay!" Just a smart-aleck type tone, if you know what I mean. I talked to him about that and we went in to school. He got unpacked at his locker but dropped his things a couple times (water bottle and snacks) and got mad and purposely dropped his book and folder. He seemed to settle in to class ok though, so I went home. Never got a phone call so I figured the day ended up going pretty well. It rained on and off during the day and I knew E had been looking forward to riding his bike and playing outside, so I braced myself for some disappointment when Alex and I went to pick him up. The school had indoor dismissal due to the rain, and almost as soon as we walked in I could hear him yelling. Bad sign. We walked down the hall to his class and I saw his teacher talking to him and taking a piece of paper away. He saw me, started getting more upset and yelled something about "never get to do anything again. Its raining now too and I can't play outside." I went in to calm him, but it seemed to make him more upset. He did finally start to calm down and he hugged me and we talked a little. He was upset about the rain, he was upset about his homework, he was upset about "everything". I looked over his assignment book and asked him what we needed. We got his math book and folder out. Then of course, Alex started misbehaving, knowing Mommy had all her attention on E, running down the hall to the drinking fountain and splashing water all over himself. So I had to get him and make him sit next to E in the cramped classroom. After going over his book one more time with him, I asked what his Social Studies assignment was, and he lost it again, just completely broke down "I don't know, I have no idea, Its gonna take forever, I lost it" etc. His teacher helped me figure out what the assignment is (they switch for SS and science, yes, in 3rd grade, a little excessive I think but at the same time the teachers are able to spend more time on each subject) and find what he needed. After E completely calmed down, we headed outside to the car after about 15 minutes or so.

E and Alex talked in the car, and even though E had one more meltdown about the rain, his homework and playtime, we talked about it, that the rain is out of our control and homework is sometimes a fact of life and he would get some playtime, even if it was inside and we had to find something else to do. When we got home, he had trouble with his math but we worked through it. Dinner went really well, with both boys eating ALL their food, even their veggies, which was broccoli, carrots, baby corn, and sugar snap peas. After math was done, before dinner, E decided to watch his brother play Pokemon for a bit (he lost his game system for the week on Monday), and then after dinner again they were talking Pokemon, he watched Alex play and read a book. About 7:30, I had Alex get ready for bed, and had E start his SS homework, which entailed using the internet for information about the FDA and answering questions and writing facts on an index card. this turned into a 45 minute ordeal for 5 questions. After he was finished, E asked if he could play, and I told him for 15 minutes and then bedtime. Just a few minutes later, having remembered his other homework, I asked if he had read for at least 20 minutes yet, to which he said "no" and proceeded to start getting upset yet again. I explained he had to read, and could not stay up till 9pm on a school night, so therefore he had to go now and read for 20 minutes and go to sleep (It was about 8:20 already so he would already be turning the lights out 10 minutes after the latest he stays up!). He got very upset, stormed off, screaming, yelling and crying the whole time. He was upset because he didn't have any time to play, to which I said "You chose what to do in your free time, you chose to watch your brother play video games, and you could have chosen to play with your toys." It didn't make him happy but it did seem to calm him a bit. He read and fell asleep before 9, but wow! I'm exhausted. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

I talked to Jas on the phone a little bit ago and told him the ordeal and started crying. He tried so hard to make me feel better and was so understanding. We have come so far in how we relate, and most of that is just because I actually open up and talk to him and tell him my feelings about everything. I love him and our boys (even on the toughest days) so much.

Tomorrow will be a busy, busy day. We are going to look at a couple houses, and are replacing our van door. We are also going to discuss our next steps for E. There is still the DAN doctor we want to try and get him in to see, and we are also thinking about even trying to get him in to see a nutritionist before that too. Also schooling for next year. We thought for sure this was the right place, he seemed to be doing well, but its been so back and forth. Every one of his previous teachers said, no special education classroom or AI classroom, he NEEDS to be in the regular education classroom so he can learn the social skills and communication skills and since he's academically advanced its even more important. The public schools up here offered us either AI classroom, full-time resource room, or regular classroom with little to no support. The public charter school he's at now has somewhat limited resources but has him in the reg ed class with as much resource room as he needs and mentoring program they set up this year because/for him. I told Jas today (last night? my days are blurring together!) that if this doesn't work out and the only other option is no help or AI class, then that won't work either. He agreed. I said, I know how you feel but I will have to put my foot down then and I will be homeschooling, even if its just for a year to see how it goes and to give him time, and help him, etc., there's homeschooling groups, field trips, classes for extracurricular activities, curriculum we can use, testing and grading. He didn't agree, but he also didn't give his blatant NO like he usually does, so if it comes down to that, that may be an option at least, where it was a definite NO before. We will at least talk about, which is more than we've ever really done.

Today was rough. Rougher than it has been in awhile. I know we are lucky in many, many ways. But that doesn't make the hard days any easier. The only thing that makes them easier, is seeing both my boys sleeping peacefully and seeing both of their beautiful smiles. I can't wait till tomorrow when I am blessed with another day, no matter what kind of day it ends up being, to spend with my amazing 2 sons and wonderful husband. Thank you, God, for them and for my friends and family.